*Disclaimer: It's possible that this post will ramble, make loops, take turns, and repeat itself as I try to effectively put in to words what I am trying to say. I hope through it all that the overall message will be heard.
Almost two months ago, as you may know, I lost my mother suddenly and unexpectedly to death. One thing that we can expect in life is death, but we don't always know when it will occur or how (Romans 5:12). The events surrounding death and the days/years after can be a somewhat confusing time. It can be a detrimental time for people who especially are lacking in their faith.
It has not been an easy time, in particular, for myself. I struggle with questions that I will never get an answer to, the phone calls and texts that I can't make, the holidays that will forever be different, moments and new memories that won't be shared together, and I could go on and on.
Yesterday was a big struggle for me. We received the autopsy results from my mom's death; however, it was not what I expected. There cause of death: undetermined. UNDETERMINED? Something had to have happened to cause a 48 year old to pass away in her sleep, right? Through the many tears that I cried last night, I realized - God is in control. The autopsy report does not and will not determine my mom's eternal resting place. Would it have been great to have gotten answers? Yes! But, God is in control.
Many people write blogs, lessons and sermons on what they learned through grief, so I naturally assumed I would have one of these, as well. I tried to force myself to write one not too long ago, to no avail. It wasn't until last night that things began clicking. This morning I sat reading different things and I came across an Instagram post with Psalm 55:22, "Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you..." Wow! What a powerful thought. As I think back over the two months, that was exactly what was happening. (I don't say this to boast) Despite my struggles with the mundane things of life and worldly desires, I have never questioned God as to why my mother had to leave this life.
TRUST GOD
I've known this all along but now I have a deeper understanding of what that really means. God has taken care of me and my family in so many ways over the last two months. We forget to seek God in all that we do and sometimes miss just how He is working in our lives and blessing us so richly.
Proverbs 3:5 - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."
God is so much bigger and powerful than I am - He works in ways we cannot even see. God can do things beyond our imagine and comprehension (Eph. 3:20). Yet, in our darkest days is when we typically abandon God - we abandon Him at the exact moment that His light and glory can shine for all to see. We forget that God walks with us each step of the way, even through our darkest valleys, to guide us and comfort us (Psalm 23:4).
Romans 8:28 - "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord, and are called according to His purpose."
Trusting God helps us to realize that in the end God wins! We are told that evil+good = good all the time! What usually happens is we ask God to be on our timing, but in reality we need to trust in God's timing. He won't always show us the good right away - it could be several years down the road. You need to know, understand, and trust that God has NEVER broken a promise. If He says it, God means it! If God says, I will turn around your dark times to make something good, then we must love God and trust God. However, what this verse doesn't say is that good will always happen to us. The verse says good will happen, but it may not always directly affect us. God is good. God is love. He will show that to us, if we trust in Him.
Psalm 55:22 - " Cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be shaken."
If we trust in God, we will trust Him with our cares and burdens that we face in life. We will realize that we can't do it alone and allow God to take care of us. What I love about this verse is the last part, God will not allow His people to be shaken. Death can really shake our faith at times. We may turn to the one who has answers and question God. "Why? Why would God allow this to happen?" Really the question is, why are we questioning God? We, humans, are sinful beings. It was because of sin that death became a part of this world. Sin brought forth death, yet we question the one who hates sin and hated it so much that He destroyed the world once before. Does God have the power to eliminate sin? Of course, but God WANTS us to love Him. He WANTS us to have freewill. God does not want to force us to follow Him and to love Him. In fact, God doesn't even need us. It is us who need God. It is us who need to TRUST GOD and cast our cares/burdens on Him. He is the only one who can truly handle it. God's love for us allows Him to do things that will permit us from having our faith shaken to the core IF we cast our burdens on Him. If we do, two things will happen:
1. God will sustain us.
2. He will not allow us to be shaken.
Will the days get easier? Trusting in God will help me through. Maybe it was simply that God granted mom's wish to peacefully pass away in her sleep and it was her time. Yes, I have questions as to why it was her time, but God is in control. Remember in Genesis 5:24 - Enoch walked closely with God, but then God decided to take Enoch home.
Maybe the autopsy was undetermined to save me from stressing and worrying about possibly family medical history, because I would worry since my mother was so young. Now, I don't have anything to worry about medically speaking.
There will always be many questions that I won't receive answers to but God has given me the answer that I need when it comes to life and eternal life. He is reserving the greatest gift for me - eternal life (Rom. 6:23)! The secret things belong to the Lord (Deut. 29:29) and He gives me all the answers that I need, so that I can live for God each day and serve Him to the fullest.
God is Good - All the Time! (Not some of the time, but ALL of the time)
UPDATE: My grandmother looked at the autopsy report and determined that if my mother continued living that she would eventually have a battle with small cell carcinoma where she would have suffered greatly and most likely lost the battle. She was spared pain and suffering. God is good!
