Parent Driven Church: Part 3

We continue with the series on the Parent Driven Church. Our society is moving more and more towards being dependent on ministers and forgetting the groundwork that should be laid in the home so the Youth Minister can supplement that teaching. We need to get back to having a Parent Driven Church and I hope this blog will help you find ways to do exactly that. You can find Part 1 and Part 2 by clicking the link. 

"Parents are usually the most important influence in their kids' lives" - Chapter 6 Stick Family Relationships, Sticky Faith: A Leader's Guide

Did you read that carefully? Parents are an important influence for their kids. As a youth minister, it is sometimes exhausting thinking about the responsibility that I have for the students in our ministry and for their faith (and sometimes lack thereof).While adult role models are important and should be a factor on youth ministry, there is nothing more important when it comes to Faith than the Parents.

Let me provide you with some research. Sociologist, Dr. Christian Smith from the University of Notre Dame conducted a nationwide telephone survey of more than 3,000 teens and their parents, as well as, 267 in-depth interviews and he concluded: "Most teenagers and their parents may not realize it, but a lot of research of sociology of religion suggests that the most important social influence in shaping young people's religious lives is the religious life models and taught to them by their parents."

Yes, there are exceptions but think about it this way. How many hours, on average, does a youth minister spend with your child compared to the hours parents are spending with their children? There is a vast difference in time there. Parents are most certainly the launching pad of their child's faith and because of time spent with them, Parents help to shape, guide, and mold their faith. Don't misunderstand, a Youth Minister's job is very important, as well, the point is Parents need to do a better job at home helping to mold their kids faith.

According to Search Institutes's nationwide study of 11,000 teenagers from 561 congregations, 12% of you have a regular dialogue with their mom on faith/life kids. In other words 1 out of 8 kids talk to their mom about faith. With dads, it is 1 out of 20, or 5%. Approximately 9% of teenagers engage in regular reading of the bible and devotions with their families. Not even 1 out of 10 teenagers are looking at scriptures with their parents.

When you do engage your children in dialogue about their faith, what questions are you asking? Is it the standard, "What did you talk about in church today?" "How was youth group?" "What did you think of the sermon?" and I think we already know the answers to the questions that our teens will respond with. According to Fuller Youth Institute, asking these questions can pay off, but what is really is important is that parents also share about their own faith. It is important that we are not only living out our faith, but talking to our kids about our faith, as well.

There are certain taboo issues that need to addressed and discussed that parents tend to shy away from, and even let the youth minister handle those issues (sometimes with it coming a little too late). For example, according to Kara Powell of FYI, she says, "Two different sets of data indicate that the more important religion (not just Christianity, but also other religions) is to parents, the more difficult it is for those same parents to talk with their kids bout sex." That's pretty disappointing. We have to find a way to have these conversations with our kids in a healthy, balanced, and scriptural way. These conversations help to guide, shape, and mold their faith.

Want to know how we can have a Parent Driven Church? Have a faith driven family that isn't afraid to share or talk about their faith with their kids. Don't avoid taboo conversations and encourage your kids to live out their faith.

*Research found in Chapter 6, "Sticky Family Relationships", in the book Sticky Faith: Everyday ideas to build lasting faith in your kids. Dr. Kara E. Powell and Chap Clark, PhD. 

Parent Driven Church: Part 2

A week ago I started a series on the Parent Driven Church. Our society is moving more and more towards being dependent on ministers and forgetting the groundwork that should be laid in the home so the Youth Minister can supplement that teaching. We need to get back to having a Parent Driven Church and I hope this blog will help you find ways to do exactly that. 

Do you remember the first bible you ever received? Maybe it was a New Testament + Psalms bible, maybe you was handed a bible by the Gideons, maybe it was an illustrated bible; however, the one that sticks out in my mind is the bible that had an illustrated cover with a picture of Jesus surrounded by smiling children of all different colors. "Jesus loves the little children... red, yellow, black, and white, they are precious in His sight...." It was a very comforting and calming picture seeing all the children sitting at Jesus' feet, maybe there were even some sheep in the background, a very cute portrayal.

In reality, Jesus' version of relationship, especially inter-generational, was anything but cute. Radical and Revolutionary are the words that come to mind.

Let's look at Luke 9:28-36. Here we see Jesus going up on the mountain and taking Peter, James, and John with Him to pray. Can you imagine what the other 9 who were left behind must have been feeling? I would imagine there might have been some jealousy and insecurity that they felt from being excluded. It wasn't too long after this that an argument breaks out between the twelve disciples about who is the greatest. If you read Luke 9:47, it seems that Jesus doesn't actually hear the argument "knowing their thoughts, He took a little child and had him stand beside Him." Jesus continues in verse 48, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the on who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest."

Within these two verses, Jesus places two figures before His disciples: himself, whom they respect, and a child, who in that culture held little intrinsic value. The good news: greatness can be pursued and possessed. The bad news: greatness comes from doing something counter-intuitive: welcoming a child.

It's important that we know and understand that Greek phrasing that Jesus uses in this well-known statement about inter-generational relationships. The Greek verb Jesus uses here for welcome is dechomai (deck-oh-my), which often meant showing hospitality to the guests, carrying with it the idea of servant hood. In the first century, the ones who generally took care of guests and children were women and slaves. These people were viewed different from, and even inferior, to male disciples.

In short, Jesus was asking the disciples to show utmost humility by embracing the kids in their midst, instead of arguing about their individual greatness. According to this principle, greatness - and great parenting and great Christian living - comes to light as we welcome children. 

Next Blog: Parent Driven Church: Part 3 "Family Relationships"

Parent Driven Church - Part 1

Growing up during holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) we would gather at my Granny's home or at my Mawmaw and Pawpaw's home. We have a large amount of family that gathers under one roof for the holidays and no way for all of us to sit around one table to eat a meal together. So we set up two tables/areas: the adults' table and the kids' table.

I know that we are not the only family to use this clever and simple solution to accommodate our family. I can almost feel you smiling and nodding your head as you think about the two tables or areas at your family gatherings.

At my Granny's the kids (originally) sat at a table in the corner while the adults gathered around the dining room table. However, we outgrew this arrangement, so the great-grand kids sit around the table in the corner, the grand kids have graduated to the living room, and the adults still sit around the dining room table. At Mawmaw's the adults would gather around the dining room table in the dining room, while the kids gathered around the kitchen table and island area.

Eventually I thought I would "graduate" to the adults' table; alas, I am still waiting on this day to come as I watch our family grow even larger with the addition of spouses and more kids. However, I have a feeling that the adults would not understand our conversations as they had their pleasant conversation. Our table talk usually centered around gross and disgusting things until we were asked to stop or someone was grossed out (which was the ultimate reward!).

"In theory, we were at the same meal. In actuality, we had two very different experiences. This sounds a lot like how adults and kids experience church today.

Most churches have Adult Ministers and Youth Ministers. Adult mission trips and Student mission trips.

Do sixteen-year-olds need time to be together and on their own? Sure. As one youth worker told me, "The average sixteen-year-old guy doesn't want to talk about masturbation with Grandma in the room." Neither does Grandma, so that's a win-win!

But one of many mantras is that "balance is something we swing through on our way to the other extreme." I'm afraid that's what's happened here. In an effort to offer relevant and developmentally appropriate teaching and fellowship for children and teenagers, we have segregated - and I use that verb intentionally but not lightly - kids from the rest of the church.

And that segregation is causing kids to shelve their faith." - Excerpt used from Sticky Faith: Everyday ideas to build lasting faith in your kids. Dr. Kara E. Powell and Dr. Chap Clark. Chapter 5: A Sticky Web of Relationships

Next Blog: Parent Driven Church - Part 2 (Welcoming Children)