"Parents are usually the most important influence in their kids' lives" - Chapter 6 Stick Family Relationships, Sticky Faith: A Leader's GuideDid you read that carefully? Parents are an important influence for their kids. As a youth minister, it is sometimes exhausting thinking about the responsibility that I have for the students in our ministry and for their faith (and sometimes lack thereof).While adult role models are important and should be a factor on youth ministry, there is nothing more important when it comes to Faith than the Parents.
Let me provide you with some research. Sociologist, Dr. Christian Smith from the University of Notre Dame conducted a nationwide telephone survey of more than 3,000 teens and their parents, as well as, 267 in-depth interviews and he concluded: "Most teenagers and their parents may not realize it, but a lot of research of sociology of religion suggests that the most important social influence in shaping young people's religious lives is the religious life models and taught to them by their parents."
Yes, there are exceptions but think about it this way. How many hours, on average, does a youth minister spend with your child compared to the hours parents are spending with their children? There is a vast difference in time there. Parents are most certainly the launching pad of their child's faith and because of time spent with them, Parents help to shape, guide, and mold their faith. Don't misunderstand, a Youth Minister's job is very important, as well, the point is Parents need to do a better job at home helping to mold their kids faith.
According to Search Institutes's nationwide study of 11,000 teenagers from 561 congregations, 12% of you have a regular dialogue with their mom on faith/life kids. In other words 1 out of 8 kids talk to their mom about faith. With dads, it is 1 out of 20, or 5%. Approximately 9% of teenagers engage in regular reading of the bible and devotions with their families. Not even 1 out of 10 teenagers are looking at scriptures with their parents.
When you do engage your children in dialogue about their faith, what questions are you asking? Is it the standard, "What did you talk about in church today?" "How was youth group?" "What did you think of the sermon?" and I think we already know the answers to the questions that our teens will respond with. According to Fuller Youth Institute, asking these questions can pay off, but what is really is important is that parents also share about their own faith. It is important that we are not only living out our faith, but talking to our kids about our faith, as well.
There are certain taboo issues that need to addressed and discussed that parents tend to shy away from, and even let the youth minister handle those issues (sometimes with it coming a little too late). For example, according to Kara Powell of FYI, she says, "Two different sets of data indicate that the more important religion (not just Christianity, but also other religions) is to parents, the more difficult it is for those same parents to talk with their kids bout sex." That's pretty disappointing. We have to find a way to have these conversations with our kids in a healthy, balanced, and scriptural way. These conversations help to guide, shape, and mold their faith.
Want to know how we can have a Parent Driven Church? Have a faith driven family that isn't afraid to share or talk about their faith with their kids. Don't avoid taboo conversations and encourage your kids to live out their faith.
*Research found in Chapter 6, "Sticky Family Relationships", in the book Sticky Faith: Everyday ideas to build lasting faith in your kids. Dr. Kara E. Powell and Chap Clark, PhD.
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